Sarah 1, Cancer 0

Today was a good day. It was a stressful day but I end it happier than I've felt in a long time. Elated is probably the right word. Bear in mind that I'm writing this after half a bottle of champagne on an empty stomach, so my writing may be even worse than normal.

The big news first: Today I got the all clear.

My treatment is done and I am down to just regular check ups. No more drugs, and just a surgery to go, which I'm scheduling on Friday.

The how I got to today is a little more convoluted (isn't it always). I've been merrily having my Herceptin treatment and returning to work and generally feeling like a normal human being, except that I go and have a nap in a chemo suite every third week. As of the New Year I'm back at work full time and generally enjoying what I do for a living. I don't have much energy outside of that, but I can feel myself getting a little better every week.

Before Christmas I even got involved in a show, where I finally got to do a Panto (I was the evil queen, obviously ;-)). I think its fair to say that the acting bug has bitten again, and I'm looking forward to doing more later in the year.

Anyway I digress... a few weeks ago, just before my standard 3 month check up with the Oncologist. I started suffering pain in my left breast. Nothing terribly bad, but enough to make me worry - I'd had a similar pain in my right breast from about a year before my diagnosis. When I was diagnosed, I was told that this was likely a coincidence, but this didn't stop the paranoid side of my brain going into panic mode.

The day of my oncology appointment, I was doing my usual lump check (ladies - I hope you all do this!), and I felt something that might have been a lump. I could only feel it ever so slightly from a certain angle,  and the sensible part of my brain said "nothing unusual, but best to mention along side the pain". Having no other side to check against makes these things a little more difficult to judge.

I went to see my oncologist the same day, and was examined. The determination was "I can feel what you're feeling, but lets do a scan to be certain". This lessened my anxiety quite a lot, but I was still quite shaken by the possibility that the cancer was back on the other side.

Unfortunately there happened to be quite a gap between that appointment and today, about 4 weeks. Most days it was to the back of my mind, but others it was to the front. I have to say thanks to my family, friends and colleagues who helped me through those days, even if they didn't know it at the time.

So back to today - both my left side mammogram and ultrasound were perfectly clear - nothing to indicate anything to worry about and a massive weight off my shoulders. Next up, in to see the consultant to be checked out and discuss next steps. All these consultations start with an examination, checked the left side - fine, check the glands, fine, check under the right arm, under the left arm...back under the right arm - at this point the little alarm bells start to ring.

"I'm pretty sure its just scar tissue, but there's a little lump under here I want checked out". Weight of the world goes back onto my shoulders. Another wait for the ultrasound check (its running slow due to network issues) for a scan. Another hour in the uncomfortable chairs. Back into the scan room - "Just scar tissue, nothing to worry about". Phew. It's now 13:30, I've been here nearly 3 hours but I don't care. I'm so happy I feel like I'm floating. Back to see the oncologist. "Excellent, nothing else required, we'll just see you in 3 months for a general check up"

Aside from the waiting and the worrying though, the worst part of today was seeing women come in and knowing that some of them are going to  be told "I'm sorry, its bad news". There are other young women in the clinic too, having biopsies today and waiting for their results, one lady looked to be younger than me. I feel so sad for them, knowing the road they have to go down is so tough.

So here I am, 18 months down the line, and all clear. The major battle is won. The outcome of the war is still undecided, but things are looking as good as they can for the moment. The risk of metastasis (spread to somewhere critical) is still there an always will be, but this is still a moment to savour. 

Fuck Cancer.

Fun and Excitement at the Hospital

It's been a while since I've had an experience at the hospital that was anything other than routine, so obviously my body decided it was time to shake things up a bit yesterday.

Started out nice and normal, off to see the oncologist to review my latest ECG results, which showed a drop in heart function taking me from well above normal to normal, so something to keep an eye on, but not enough to stop treatment.

I popped into work for a few hours whilst waiting for my notes to make a return trip to the clinic where I have my Herceptin, and arrived at the chemo suite about 2pm for my standard 30 minute infusion. About 5-10 minutes in while I'm chatting to the nurse, suddenly my chest tightens, and I start coughing. I'm having an anaphalactic reaction to the drug. Rather than do my normal thing of assuming I'm fine and waiting for it to pass I actually mention that I feel a bit funny. The infusion is immediately stopped I'm asked whats wrong, and I explain, although by this point I'm getting dizzy and I'm struggling to breathe.

Quick as a flash I'm given piriton, hydrocortisone and oxygen, and a doctor is called to take a closer look at me. As I'm hooked up with my port, everthing is given intravenously, so within a few minutes I feel much better, and am just left with a tight feeling in my chest - a bit like the sensation when you are somewhere humid and it's uncomfortable to breathe deeply. My oncologist is called, and discussions are held over what to do with me.

Within an hour I'm strictly under observation, all treatment for the day is stopped. The decision is that I can have another try with the treatment (as I've had 4 previosuly with no problems) but to return to a piriton pre-med and a much slower infusion - basically back to the trial run stage. If I run OK with that they'll consider upping the speed of infusion, but I will probably always need the anti-histamine.

By 4:30 they were ready to release me (Simon came to collect me as piriton makes me very sleepy), and I was able to go home and sleep on the sofa for a few hours. I was told I was lucky as allergic reactions aren't usually caught so quickly, and you can end up in a serious condition very quickly.

Seeing as I'm back in a work fram of mind I'll review my key learnings from today:

• Even drugs with no side effects can be dangerous and bite you in the ass.
• Never assume that it's nothing and it will get better by itself.
• It is OK to 'bug' the nurses, that's what they're there for. You do not have to apologise for having an allergic reaction.
• I love the NHS.

Back to Work

Yesterday was my first official day back at work, and I managed about 5 hours in the office, mostly catching up on a few things and sorting out my new desk (we've moved offices in my absence). By the time I realised I'd been reading the same sentence for 20 minutes, I figured it was past time to go home.

It was lovely to be back, but I'm very glad I'm on restricted hours and days - its 11:30am and I have only just got up. I knew that I'd be tired today, as I knew I over-did it slightly. Unfortunately I only get about a 10 minute warning before suddenly being very tired, and its a 40 minute drive home!

I'm back in again tomorrow, and then Friday is my first Herceptin treatment at Bracknell.

Starting to Get Back to Normal

It's been an interesting few weeks for me, as I'm starting to feel like myself again. While I still get tired quicker than normal, its a different kind of tired to the bone-aching fatigue I've had until now. The more I do the better I feel (up to a point). I'm even starting to look like myself again (albeit with a very short haircut and a 2 stone weight gain) - my face is much less puffy than it was, my eyelashes are back and I even have eyebrows again.

I've been suffering on and off over the last few months with a pain in my leg. It's not too bad, but it's been niggling at the back of my mind that I should get it checked out, so I set up an appointment with my oncologist last week. I knew that it was likely to be nothing, but occasionally I would start freaking out about it and assume the worst (one of my risks is a spread to bone cancer, and bone pain is a symptom). I was sent off immediately for X-Rays on my leg and thankfully they didn't show up anything. Most likely reason for the pain is that I have shin-splints, because I've been inactive for a while and with my numb feet I'm probably stomping a bit. It's a big relief that it's nothing sinister, but I suppose that I'll always have to deal with random panics over strange aches and pains.

I also went to see my GP, who has agreed that I can start getting back to work in the next few weeks, provided that my 3rd Herceptin treatment went without incident - which it did. Some people I've spoken to have been surprised that I'm so keen to get back to the office, but I just want to get back to being a normal person. Cancer has already stolen 10 months of my life, and I don't intend to let it have any more.

Second Herceptin

I had my second Herceptin treatment on Friday, which went without any hitches. My port was accessed nice and easily this time round, and again I had no reaction to the drug. I have to have one more at Reading to prove I'm definitely not allergic to it, and then the rest will be done out of Bracknell.

I'm starting to feel better recovering from the radiotherapy, my skin is still a little sore, but I'm much less tired. I was even able to do some digging out in the garden yesterday, and I've started a little exercise regime to help me start getting back into shape.

I've been carrying on with my embroidery as well, here are my last 2 projects, converted now into cushions:

And I'm Done!

Monday was my final radiotherapy treatment, which means that apart from the Herceptin treatment (second one is due this Friday) I'm through with my cancer treatment!

I feel relieved, of course, and glad that it's over, but I can't say I feel over-joyed. That's because end of treatment doesn't mean the end of the cancer road, and I'm not certain when or even if that end will be. Perhaps in 5 years when I'm through my remission period. If there is no recurrance of cancer within that 5 years, then my risk of recurrance drops back to normal, due to the type of cancer I've had. However, within those 5 years, my risk is significantly higher - I don't have numbers from my oncologist, but from research I've done, I'd estimate that there is between a 10-20% chance of recurrance. That may not seem that huge, but if I do have recurrance, it will almost ceratinly be a spread (and so terminal), rather than another dose of breast cancer. This means I'm likely to become a total hypochondriac over the next few years, worrying about every single ache and pain and cough.

Radiotherapy treated me fairly well. My skin never got worse than being slightly red, and I just need to be careful not to expose it to the sun for the next few weeks. I am now feeling quite tired, altough thats just as likely to have been from having a very busy weekend - we went to Stratford upon Avon to see my old theatre chums performing at the Courtyard Theatre (they were amazing). It's started me thinking about starting up a creative hobby again, if not theatre then maybe something musical instead.

Radio and Herceptin

I've finished my first full week of radiotherapy as of yesterday, and am still feeling pretty good. My skin doesn't feel any more sore than after the first session (and it helps that I had almost 4 full days to recover between Friday morning and Monday evenings dose). Getting to the Bracknell clinic has been fine, and even getting in and out of Reading on Friday and Monday wasn't too bad.

I'm doing well on the energy front as well, probably helped by the last 2 days spent helping to construct the garden with my Dad and Simon, althugh today I'm having a restful day as I have an aching right arm. Having said restful, I've been setting up construction plans and drawings and talking to landscapers, but certainly more calm than the last few days.

I had my first Herceptin treatment on Friday, I was at Reading hospital by 8:30 (ish thanks to traffic), for radiotherapy, then up to the chemo suite for the Herceptin. Chemo suite there is much bigger than the one at Windsor, and is in what must be an old childrens ward from the 1920s - the walls are tiled in part with pictures from fairy tales, so it wasn't too bad of a location to spend the whole day. It took a fair while to get going with my treatment, as there was a problem getting into my port. I'm still quite swollen from the op, and the port seems to have shifted upwards to under the incision for it, so after 3 attempts at getting in (not painful, as I'm numb still on that part of my chest, but a bit uncofortable), and then an x-ray to check the positioning, they decided to try and go in on my arm as I was getting more swollen from the attempts. Thankfully there was a specialist vascular access nurse on duty through this, so she was able to put in a canula in my left arm using ultrasound. By my next treatment, the port should be fine, but a little annoying that they weren't able to use it.

By the time I was hooked up and ready to go for the Herceptin, it was 11:30, and through the 2 hour infusion I had to keep my arm straight, so wasn't able to do my embroidery. Thankfully I had Kate with me for company, and the lady in the next seat was chatty as well, so it passed fairly quickly. Infusion was done by 13:30, by which timer Kate had managed to find the M&S inside the hospital, so we were well provisioned with sandwiches, fruit and chocolate. Then I just had to sit and wait for 4 hours and hope I didn't have an allergic reaction. For this one I'd been given some Piriton before hand, so I was a little sleepy, but aside from that, no reaction. Some ladies report feelilng a little off for a day after the infusion, but I've not had any problems. Eventually, at half 5 I was allowed to go home having passed a pretty dull day sat in a comfy chair. Once I was detached from the drugs I did at least manage to get some stitching done.
Next Herceptin will be 30th March, where I'll have a 90 minute infusion and then go straight home.

Just 9 more radiotherapies to go and then the tough bits of treatment are over, finally.