What I know, What I don't know

It's been a fairly quiet week since the last trip to the hospital on Tuesday. Did a bit of shopping, went to the cinema and out for lunch. It's been quite relaxing, although I've had a lot more pain from this biopsy round than the first.

I've been pondering on what I know/ don't know so far, trying to organise my thoughts

What I know (although some of these are probably rather than knowns):

• I have an invasive cancer in my breast which has spread to my lymph nodes, but it seems no further.
• I will be having 8 sessions of chemo, 3 weeks apart, most likely starting a week next Tuesday. That's 6 months of treatment. So most likely I'll be done with the chemo by next March (Some sessions may be 4 weeks apart depending on how well I recover between them.
• After chemo I will have surgery - a mastectomy and lymph node clearance. They may or may not be able to do reconstruction at the same time.
• I will never have kids. I never wanted children, but it still sucks that the decision has been taken away from me. I could have IVF treatment to store eggs, but this is complicated., takes time and involves a lot of hormones, which could accelerate development of the tumour.
• I'm stronger than I thought I was. Although its been a big shock and mentally I'm struggling from time to time, I'm coping much better than I thought I would.
• I can't get a cat during my treatment, much to Simon's relief, and the dissapointment of my sister.
• My hair is going to fall out. I'm going to get some awesome wigs.
• I cope better when I have company. My coping mechanism largely revolves around humour, so with no one to laugh at my 'jokes' I struggle more.
• And, most importantly of all, I have awesome friends - the messages I've received from people, some who I've not seen for years, have really boosted me. Sorry that I've not been responding very much, but I do really, really appreciate the thoughts coming my way. Thank you.

What I don't know

• What type of breast cancer I have - the latest biopsies may give more information, but I may not know more until the whole lot is removed and looked at. This will have a bearing on my mid-long term prognosis.
• What my odds of disease free recovery are.
• How long it will be before I'm back to 'normal'. I'm getting closer to knowing as best as possible, but these things are variable.
• How I will cope with chemo. Reports I've had are mixed, some sail through, some people are wiped out completely, some people find they get easier, some that they get worse as you go through. The general consensus seems to be that you get 10 bad days and 10 good days between treatments.
• What caused it. This I will almost certainly never know, and that annoys me.

Next up is the visit to the oncologist next week, where I should get the results of the second round of stabbings. I should get a chometherapy schedule and the date of my first treatment.